ngshihuii.bs(:

2012-01-12T07:30:00.000-08:00

Wanted to sleep and wake up at 5am but expected, insomnia :(
Since I can't sleep,I shall blog then.

I've decided not to drop cs. Surprising? Haha. Felt that i should give it a try and realize that cs is an application that is useful to me in the future. Coursework officially start next week and it will end at May. Lucky I had taken my chinese and I can focus on my coursework(:

Feel so stress now. I want get good grades. I want my face to appear in the top students next year. I want do well for my English. Imagine all these sentences keep appearing in my mind everyday :/ I have set myself a new target. Although i find it a bit unrealistic, but I will still work hard for it. Math,Science,POA & Chinese(taken already) A1, Combined Humanities A, English & CS B3-A2. L1R4 = Single digit. Damn impossible right? Especially for my English. Seriously if I pass my English now, I find it a miracle, let alone a B3/A2 -.- Nevertheless, I will try my best to hit the targets I set for myself :)

I always what Adam Khoo's course taught me. "Discipline is doing something which you don't like but it will definitely benefit you in the end".

2012-01-09T04:09:00.000-08:00

Day sucks totally.

Didn't receive my laptop back cause my mum went back home late.

Setting up the mobtv can really kill me. The technician is totally ___ -.-

Mum told me got dinner, in the end ...

Wanted to sleep awhile but my dad ...

Zzz-.-

Went to watch people taking back their O' level results.

Really envy those who do well and pictures of them appearing in the powerpoint slides.

Hope that my face can appear in the screen next year!

Keep telling myself 11more months. After that 11months,i'm free.

~~越读越不开心。好想放弃。那种感觉真的不好受。痛苦？失落？/:~~

2012-01-08T03:50:00.000-08:00

Today was like a sian. Not really in a good mood to do things, but still went to some places to buy stuffs :@

I felt kinda ___ now. Don't really know how to describe it.
Went to take scholarship yesterday. Received $400 and not $650 :'( Haha. Nvm, at least i received some money! :>
Time flies isn't it. 想当年 i had to work hard for N level and worrying that i can pass my english or not. Now, i need to work hard for O level and worrying that my subjects can do well not. Everything seem to come and go very fast. Remembered last year i kept writing the year as 2010 and now i kept writing it as 2011! :/ I feel so old now! >:(

Monday = School.
Don't know why i got the feeling of slowing down things /:
Guess it is the stress i receiving?
Anyway, friends receiving their O level results tmr.
Hope that all of them receive good results and get into the course they want! :)

~~I hope everything can go smoothly for you. Jiayou.~~

2012-01-06T08:06:00.000-08:00

Had an Adam Khoo talk these three days. Initially, i thought it was useless and there was no point going there and listen. However,i changed my opinion during the closing talk. I felt that the course was a "wake up" call for many of us and to me, i understood the meaning of confidence. Today, Danny was testing me for the quiz and when i tried for the first time,i failed. I failed was not because i did not know, i failed it because i don't have confidence for myself. He had made me understand that confidence is the key word to me that i must know and i must overcome it. Without it,nothing you do will be a success.

During the closing talk, i really admire and take my hat off for those who dared to go up in front of us and said " i'm sorry mother father and i love you." Deep inside my heart, i know i won't say such things to them due to my self-esteem. But i will do some actions to show them that i've change to a better one (: I think we had the same wish which is to do well for O' level and do our parents proud! Jiayou:)

Maybe i this time round really don't feel anything for you. When they said imagine your parents were dead blahblahblah,all i thought was her and not you. I cried because of her not you. I was sad for her and not you. To be honest,what i really felt was all the harsh thing you did to her. YOU nearly made her gone depression,nearly end her life BECAUSE of you. I will never ever forgive you.

Matched against SP on thursday. We lost but i think we had performed quite well for it. School we competing with for the first round was out. We will be fighting against ChristChurch,Ahmad,Northvista and Compassavle. The grouping is seriously &!(!^%#)!_(@*^!. No matter how hard is it for how difficult is it, i believe we can do it! Remember, we won Nanyang girls which we thought we can't. So confidence! Hahahaha:)

2012-01-01T08:03:00.001-08:00

我很后悔认识你们。如果还有机会，我决不会选这样的结果。

2011-12-31T11:55:00.000-08:00

Had a wonderful day with teammates today (Y)
Went to marina barrage to have our countdown.
Wanted to put wishing lantern (1st attempt) but was failed and was stopped by the security guard. Tried the second time and we succeed! :D It flew very high and stayed at the sky for quite a long time. Hope all our wishes would come true(:
After the thing, we went down to take photos. Instead of taking bus back to mrt,we decided to walk.
We were so afraid we would miss the last train so we walked very fast and when we saw the mrt sign,we just ran. Hahaha. Kiasu? xP
(If never liddat we sure miss it!)

I know you didn't get to enjoy it due to your fever and flu.
Promise that i will go out with you when you recover(:
(must touch when you see this!) :P

Seem to be an idiot waiting for your text.
A simple wish from you makes a lot of difference but you don't.
是时候放下了，决定不在对你有任何希望。

Northzone champion,National top4,L1R4 < 15.
JIAYOU!

2011-12-30T10:10:00.000-08:00

~~我还爱着你，你知道吗？~~

2011-12-30T09:30:00.000-08:00

2011-12-26T09:30:00.000-08:00

Feel so vexed now.

Arghh. 是我想太多了吗？还是我一厢情愿？

$%!*@!)$^#

I can't stop myself from thinking all this. Please.get.out.of.my.life. I don't want things to get complicate or history to repeat it again.

Stared at the page for few minutes and i don't know what to write. Forget it. Whatever it is, don't use people. You will feel how hurt if your best friend make use of you. Zzz.

请别打扰我的生活。

2011-12-22T08:10:00.000-08:00

We can use our hands to count the days left in 2011. Had been wondering how have I performed this year. My studies,basketball and more.

Conclusion: Realizing I hadn't put in my best for all my things and I except myself to get good results.

Sometimes I only know how to admire people good things and never ask myself why I am not like them. Had been getting things I want easily and never really fight for it. Only now,I start to panic,I start to work hard but is it too late? Others keep saying it is never too late to start but do I have enough time to get what I want? Hmm..

Decided to go sec5 to take my Os. I really afraid I will get F9 for my English. Friends keep saying I can make it but now things change isn't it? It is no longer N level but Os. Imagine you have to start everything from the basic and take the papers in few months time? I really hope I can make it/:

Had friendly match with Ngee Ann Sec today. We won but I don't think I played well today. Despite my mind say jiayou and don't give up,my body had stopped for awhile. I COULD HAVE do better but I didn't. Nz coming in 3weeks and base on my performances recently,I doubt I will get into it. Had told some to think positive and work hard to prove Pjl that you are qualify into it. Why can't I tell this myself too? Why can't I be strong and positive enough to overcome my negative thoughts??

Am I excepting too much from myself?

2011-12-20T01:44:00.000-08:00

Received my N' level results.

Feel so happy when i received it.

EMB3 = 9 :)

However,i think i can do better for my science and poa.

As usual,my english pulled my results down.

Got a grade4 for english and if convert to O' level standard,it would be a F9.

Really scared that i would not do well for my O' level english :'(

Anw when i was outside,i got a very bad feeling that i think i would not get into school team.

How i wish my fear is extra/:

Still thinking of the conversation i had and i compared with the things i had done to improve.

Frankly, i don't think i did enough. I don't think i had put my best. I don't think i'm a good player.

My confidence drop to -1% again :'(

Anw,i had 下定决心 to 减肥 cause my weight is 54kg now!! :(

2011-12-11T07:57:00.001-08:00

Had a talk with pjl this afternoon.

I feel so guity and sorry.

Sorry for having such bad attitude,sorry for not cherishing the chance you gave me again and again,sorry for not putting my best when we are having the training and also, the team):

Went to see their blog just now.

I realized how badly all of us want to get into school team and fight together to win the championship. How badly all of us want to perform well and win every match we had played. How badly all of us want to get into court and do well. The feeling of how demoralizing you are when you sit on the bench hoping that coach would put you down on court. Also, the feeling of how demoralizing you are when you had played badly for a match.

I was totally ____ when i thought i am not selected into the school team. Imagine you could feel your heart had stopped beating,your face was totally blank,you are totally speechless and the sudden sadness you had. I just couldn't describe it. Initially she want to reconsider of having me in the school team due to my deteriorating performance and attitude but i am so thankful that she gave me another chance to prove myself. Also, she told me i may not get to play (sort of main 5) and told me all my weaknesses. I think she know how badly i want to play inside the court and hate the feeling of being a bench player. She also told me the reasons why i may not get to play. My dribbling is not good, i am not a good controller, my running is very slow, my shooting is not the best in the team, my 3 pointer sucks,i give up easily and the most important thing is i get piss off easily.

Seriously,time is running fast. Next year is the last year i will be playing as a yishun town player. I want to get rid my weaknesses and improve myself. I need to run fast so that i can do lots of fast break. I want to improve my dribbling so that i can be a good controller and get pass opponents and doing set play for the team. I want to improve my shootings so that i can shoot in the ball when i receive it. I want to control my temper so that i won't get piss off easily and give up. I want to change my mind set from "body control mind" to "mind control body". I need to improve my stamina so that i won't miss my opponents when i am defending. 光说没用。So, i must improve myself so that i can be strong.

I may not be the strongest and fastest, but i can work hard to be strong and fast.

Finally, i got to know the reasons why pjl chose me as v.c. i'm so happy that she gave me a chance to be a v.c as she is reconsidering of changing me. I may not be a good v.c but i will definitely do my best to become one.

I believe no matter what, all of us have the same aim. All of us want to get the gold medal and do the school proud. All of us want to go overseas and get into national. So, jiayou!

2011-12-09T04:46:00.000-08:00

>:(

Feel so *!$*_@^%*$ today.

My attitude for today training sucks ttm.

~~Maybe you are right. I don't fit to be one at all..~~

~~No matter what,i will try my best and do what i can..~~

Too slow,no speed,not hardworking,cannot react fast,shooting deteriorating,easy give up and more.

I need to change all these bad habit i have now.

I can't afford to slow down.

2011-12-06T10:17:00.000-08:00

It had been months since i blogged.

During this few months,a lot of things happened.

I had finally finished my N' level and i'm waiting for the results now. I'm so glad that i achieved A1 for my O' chinese and i hope i can achieve it for my rest of the subjects too. To be honest,i am afraid that i will fail my english. Even if i pass my english, i don't want the grade to be 3 - 5. Too ambitious? If i really get those results, i am considering whether to go sec 5 or not..

As for bball,next year is the last year i am fighting as a yt-baller. I really hope that we will win the championship and successfully get into national top 4. I don't want the history to repeat again. I don't want the situation whereby we lost by 1 point and was not qualified to the next round cause we lost by points and lost to school which we shouldn't lost at all. I really hope that next year whenever people look at us,they will say "Wahh yishun town" or will look at us in a manner that say "YishunTown very strong. Be careful" etc.

Next year, there's 12 slots and we got 16 people now. I not sure whether i am in the school team or not. I want to play on court and do my very best to work with teammates and get the victory. I need to improve. Seeing the level i am now, i doubt i will play in the court often. Seeing them getting stronger and stronger, i feel very jealous/weak/disappointed in myself. Recently, we got to play 5on5 with one another and i was appointed as the pg. I don't know how to control,how to lead the players on court and score points. I felt so demoralizing and frequently i gave up. Every time when i gave up,i feel like slapping myself for not doing my best and show what i am capable of. So, i need to think positive and train hard!!

Hmm.. I was appointed as the vc for next year.Surprising? I was shocked when jl said it. Initially, when she point me, i thought she was pointing the people behind me so i didn't really care about it. It was until she said my name than i like "huh??". LOL -.- Idk why she choose me among so many people. There's so many people who is much better than me and who can lead the team well. Feel like asking her but idk how to start with. |:

12 more days to get back results.

I hope it will be a good news for me when i get back (:

2011-08-30T05:40:00.000-07:00

I guess i am totally insane about everything i do now. Seriously, i need a break after all my papers and enjoys it. I'm waiting for this to arrive:)

2011-08-28T07:22:00.000-07:00

Prelims are over. Yea, flunk my english again. My physics dropped drastically and same for my combined humanities. Studied few weeks for history and in the end, i scored 22/50 -.- Officially 6 more days to my N' level and i haven't settle down yet. My mind is still full of shows, basketball, facebook, shopping but not studying -.- Really afraid of N' levels now. I want get EMB3 < 8 which i don't think i can make it already. I think i would do badly for my N' chinese as i am too complacent. Thinking i would do well for N' chinese even if i don't study it. Need to change the mind set!!! I need to start everything now, if not too late for me to regret

This is the starting point. I need to prepare my full energy for the race. I will do it.

2011-08-16T08:37:00.000-07:00

I feel so dumb for believing you.

2011-08-08T09:36:00.000-07:00

You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.

-Rabindranath Tagore

Lost my motivation in studying.

Crap.

Had my english and math paper 1.

Totally disappointed in my math.

As for english, i am sure i would fail this time round.

Wrong format for letter writing and whatever the teacher said for the answer in p2, i didn't get.

-.-

I feel so stress now for the prelims and coming N' level.

F. Stop giving me hope when you guys keep smashing it.

How foolishly i believed what you guys had said.

Keep reminding me that i am right this time round but in the end, what i get is all those betrays and lies.

Gnd. I could think of the times when we were happily talking about sth for hours but when actions are to be done, what i receive it shit.

Shouldn't have believe you guys easily..

Lunar 7th month.

The month which i hated the most.

Had trouble sleeping these two days.

My heart totally sank and i felt so uneasy.

I hope that it is my mind that makes me so uneasy and not the ____ .

吳克羣-我能給的MV

2011-08-01T05:50:00.000-07:00

I should be mugging my social studies now.

Feel like giving up everything.

All the things i do seems to be making fun of me.

Guess what, i studied wrong chapters for ss.

I can't control my temper.

My extremist thinking had gone worst too.

Fml.

2 more days to prelim and i have not studied anything yet.

Going collect my O' mt result soon, less than two weeks.

I'm so afraid that my results are bad.

Esp my N' and O' mt oral.

I'm just unable to perform my usual way in exam times.

So many unpleasant things happened to me.

Should i talk to them about it?

Or should i keep quiet and let time do everything?

I'm afraid that every step i take,there will be consequences.

I don't know why it is bothering me.

I thought it won't affect me.

LOL.

Nvm, they won't be reading this anyway.

2011-07-26T08:06:00.000-07:00

TRUST

Where is the minimum trust and respect i get from you?

Compared both of us, i'm your biological daughter and he is just your nephew.

No matter how i explained myself and try to get your understanding,you still side him.

From the beginning,you never trust me cause i'm a rotten apple in your eyes.

I've always believe you and respect you but after today, i won't anymore.

I WON'T.

Fuck you.

I won't care what you think or what other people says.

This is my retribution for being soft hearted.

My ending cause i always put others before me.

From no onward,i won't and if any happen, is ALL YOUR FAULT.

2011-07-16T08:20:00.000-07:00

Went to watch Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Part 2 3D @ Marina Squares.

Ratings 8/10, especially the 3D effects:D

Shop around Marina Squares and went balling afterwards.

Quite pissed but can't do anything.

LOL ._.

Finished my english oral.

Gonna flunk badly.

Hope i am over sensitive and have been thinking too much for my english and chinese oral.

O' chinese LC on coming tuesday.

Hope i will do well for that:)

炎亞綸-只看見妳

2011-07-14T07:10:00.000-07:00

Conflicts over emotions.

2011-07-10T09:16:00.000-07:00

倪安東 - 散場的擁抱

2011-07-10T07:53:00.000-07:00

Feel so confused now.

What should i say?

#&$(@&^!_#@

You are the one who make me regain my confidence and also the one who make me fall.

I shouldn't have believe in all those craps.

Making me stand up again and fall down deeply.

I HATE IT.

Thank you very much for doing all those things to me.

You have succeed in making me fall down once again.

You must be laughing loudly when see this post...

2011-07-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

So exhausted,feel like giving up.

逃避不会解决问题因为你始终还是要面对它。

I need the strength and perseverance to hang on.

2011-07-03T01:30:00.000-07:00

Went to watch ASEAN school games @ ITE East.

Enjoyed my day today:)

Saw many good plays,skills and "pattern" did by the players.

Also,had fun taking photos:)

Feel like buying dslr now but need wait for the next IT show):

Anticipate the day to arrive^^

~~Time flies so quick isn't it?~~

~~So fast,four years of secondary school life gonna end.~~

~~Had been in the bball team for four years.~~

~~Many things had happened during these times.~~

~~Happy/Sad/Angry/Disappointed/Worried.~~

~~I'm going to miss the team after i graduate.~~

~~Maybe now,i had been missing the past trainings and times we had.~~

~~Our aim,our hard work,our tears,our bond and our spirit.~~

~~Truthfully,i didn't regret joining ytss:)~~

So slow yet fast..

2011-07-01T06:24:00.000-07:00

There's a lot of WHY in my mind now and i can't solve it.

I hate this feeling!:/

Went to training today.

My shooting ... sucks now!

My skills sucks terribly :'(

or should i say my skills had not been good in the first place...

I need to improve and i want too.

I feel so stress in studies now.

Received my prelim timetable.

The first paper starts at 3/08 & ends at 15/08.

After prelim,i have to study for my N' level.

I realised that i had forgotten all my formulas and ways to solve the questions especially math and science!

More importantly,my english oral is 13/07! Omg.

I want to get distinction for it though i know it is very had and quite impossible..

Rawr!:/

I think i had not forgotten you at all actually.

In fact,i had been thinking if you would appear in front of me again.

Also,i don't know what to react if i sees you.

Contradicting! :/

Anw,i am asked to update my blog.

Hahaha.

Happy that i have update mine?<:

2011-06-30T08:21:00.000-07:00

So much disappointment for today oral:'(

Can't perform well though the question was very easy and teacher had gone through with us.

I should have done better as while waiting for my turn,i read an article which is similar to the conversation.

In the end, -.-

There were quite a few reaction the examiner made when other people were having their oral.

When my turn came,they simply yawn and said: You finish reading? Okay,you can leave already.

I was like wtf? Never ask me whether i got anything more to say?

LOL.

Hate that examiner-.-

After today, i guess i had no more confidence to do my coming papers especially my english oral.

I used to have the confidence in chinese but now...

Others kept telling me that i have been thinking too much.

I hope that i am and i will do well for my chinese.

After so much things that had happened,i guessed that i am numb towards it..

2011-06-29T05:47:00.000-07:00

As long as you don't forgive, who and whatever it is will occupy rent-free space in your mind. Isabelle Holland

O' level mt oral tmr.

Pray god that i won't yawn in front of the examiner,become speechless suddenly or sick/diarrhea/flu.

Instead, calm youself down,have the confidence and put in your best into it:)

Sec4 life is so different from the past.

I feels the pressure now.

To excel in your studies,you need to put in consistent effort.

No use hugging the buddha legs now.

What i worry most is my english.

I hope that i can pass with flying colours but currently, i need to maintain my pass now.

English oral is in 17th July but i still can't pronounce my words properly.

No use crying.

Instead,i need to put in effort in improving it:D

Find someone's question interesting.

I've thinking it for sometime and finally finds my answer.

~~Because you care and loves that person,you are willing to do anything for him/her. However, when you are hurt by that person,you don't have the courage to love or cares other anymore.~~

2011-06-23T05:40:00.000-07:00

2011-06-22T08:11:00.000-07:00

~~因为在乎你，我才替你生气。~~
因为怕你受伤害，我才替你出头。
也因为这样，我很恨他。
也因为这样，我开始对将来没信心。
我有想过不再为你们的事烦恼，生气。但不知为什么，每当你们吵架时，我就无法控制自己的情绪。
我曾答应过自己不再理你，可是我反反复复，每当看到你憔悴的样子，我忍不住不再生你的气。
日子一天一天的过，我对你们的偏见也越来越深。
我好想搬出去，不用在为你们的吵闹而影响自己。

~~你们每天都吵，你们可想过我的心情？~~

2011-06-21T08:28:00.000-07:00

家不像家。

看来我的担心是多余的。

我再也不管，再也不理会。

要吵不要在我的面前吵-.-

2011-06-11T09:46:00.000-07:00

Basketball camp (Y)

Though it was tiring and sth happen, overall still very good:)

Last day we had match against jurong sec.

All of us were drained with energy and during the warm up, everyone was complaining.

However, all of us performed very good and put in what we could(Y)

Took cab home,bathed and slept all the way till today.

~~When packing stuffs, i found some books and photos i used to write and kept.~~

~~I realised that i'm a person who isn't that easy forgiving.~~

~~Forgiving is hard, forgiving yourself is more hard.~~

~~Its like a demon kept hunting me and i just couldn't shake it off.~~

~~My mind was whirl. I couldn't peace myself.~~

~~I need sth to peace myself and i guess time is the only thing i can use now..~~

2011-06-07T07:35:00.000-07:00

Wtf. You think i really want go home?=.=

See you only make my blood boils.

Anything not happy come find me, don't always go find her and fault her for not teaching me correct things.

If you are that good come teach me la!=.=

If you are that kind and caring,just shut up.

No one will call you mute if you did not talk

F all this-.-

2011-06-04T09:26:00.000-07:00

June holiday! (Y)

This year june holiday is so much difference from the past. Previously, i had trainings on tuesday, thursday and friday. however, i won't be having any cca till N' finish. If is in the past, i would feel happy but now, i feel kind of weird:S Still, i still had to go back school for lessons and oral remedial.

Plans for june holiday:

7th June - buffet:)

8th - 10th June - bball camp, 9th june is bbq:D

15th - 17th June - Chalet, bbq & steamboat :D

Omg. After june holiday all my friends won't be able to recognize me cause i have become at fat pig!:/

After so much trouble, i realize something. The more you don't want think, the more the thing comes and hunt you. So, the best is to let it go. Let it do whatever it wants so that it won't hurt you.

2011-05-24T04:54:00.000-07:00

Not my day today. Arghh.

Cross country today and i learnt my lesson - Breakfast is very important.

Pissed off also due to some reason.

Seriously, i hate people who are late.

No time management-.-

Mahjong just now.

First half i'm winning, quite a lot.

In the end, i lost all with a total of $12-.-

Arghhh.

I need lady luck!

I can't be so suay recently cause i won $6 yesterday(;

So please come back to me:) Heehee.

6more days to O' chinese but my marks is deteriorating.

B3 drop to B4.

I want get A1 for chinese so that i don't have to retake next year.

Is hard, but nothing is impossible(:

Jiayou!

2011-05-20T06:02:00.000-07:00

Isn't it beautiful? :D

So stress recently.

After mye, chinese intensive everyday till 5pm.

Everyday got at least one paper 1 or 2 to do. Maybe even both plus mind maps.

Get back all the results, quite happy about it except math.

Argh. I hate it seriously.

Its like haunting me everyday:/

How i wish i can go on a vacation now..

2011-05-19T09:20:00.000-07:00

I hate it the most when ppl lie to me. Zzz

2011-05-16T05:41:00.000-07:00

Exams are finally over, but this is the start of my nightmare.

Intensive chinese, 12pm to 5pm everyday.

Wednesday, 8am t0 5pm.

Homework, 1 full set of paper 1 and 2. 18 letters writing and 20 composition mind map.

All must be completed by wednesday:/

teacher: after the intensive, 60% get distinction.

me: Yea, the rest committed suicide due to the stress given.

14days to O level chinese.

I don't know how i will be surviving for the next 2 weeks.

I hate holidays now.

Holidays = More chinese homework.

I'm going insane.

I hate the feeling.

How i wish i am still in sec3s..

2011-05-11T09:43:00.000-07:00

My tummy getting fatter and rounder.

Seriously had to go for diet and exercise after exam.

If not, my face will start to be round too (happening now).

AWWWWW:(

4 more days to exam over(:

2011-05-08T09:51:00.000-07:00

Insomnia._.

Been sleeping late recently.

I think i have used to it le._."

So hard to manage my academic!

Hate the arrival of tuesday.

Tuesday - Physics,Chemistry,Math (3in1)-.-

Wednesday - History

Worst still, i haven't touch a single chapter yet.

Must get used to the feeling before it comes.

xxx : ShiHui don't need study de la! So pro.

Me: ...?

xxx: You so pro study for what! Give other people a chance leyy..

Me: ... ...??

*Thinking inside my heart: Wtf. You keep ask people not to study but you at home chiong everything. Some more you are true train student, who will believe that you didn't study? Zzz.

Try imagine this.

Once upon a time there was a friend (AAA) whom you very turst. AAA treated you very well as if you were like her close sister. However, she had been close with you is because of all the friends you had. What would you do/feel when you knew she got reason getting close with you and before you knows it, she had betrayed you.

2011-05-01T10:34:00.000-07:00

I.HATE.EXAM.PERIOD

I hate exam period.

So stress.

I didn't even touch a single subject except governance in singapore.

Arghhh.

Went ball today at woodlands.

Feels so shiok :D

I drag that the exam can end finish so that i can go shopping (Y)

*But we need to face the results:/

Feel like giving up.

I don't like the feeling..

2011-04-27T04:22:00.000-07:00

2011-04-23T09:28:00.001-07:00

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. - Franklin D. Roosevelt

2 more days to Mye and i haven't even start my revision. LOL
Have been going out with friends recently and i'm now broke. Haha.
Need to stop playing and start revision now.

Cannot focus recently.
Argh. Lots of things wandering in my mind now.
I can't control it. It seem to have a "On button" that keeps on replaying all the things.
Thinking if one day i suffer from amnesia, will it be a good thing or bad thing? LOL

~~Went to see junior match last few days.~~
Seeing them play, i thought of myself in the court when i am in Sec2.
Wondering if lady luck is with us when we are playing for C girls match or not. Haha
No one thought that we can be in top four, neither do us.
Eventually, we fought during the match and get second runner up.
When we are in nationals, all of us wanted to give up and we said "We don't want to play anymore".
However, Miss tan reprimanded us but we don't really care about it.
Now when we are in B girls, we realised how bball had affected us.
Our hard work and goals shattered because of one match that we shouldn't lose.
All of us cried when we knew we were out.
If we were to go back to the past, we weren't be crying that much as we don't really care.
Having the ball at last second and you can't score, what will you be feeling?
Only when we lost to nbss, i than realised how much i care and the urge of getting into top four.
But why does lady luck not with us this time?
We already knew our mistake but why aren't we given a second chance?
After watching "Facing the Giant", i kept on thinking about the matches i had been playing.
I miss all the laughter and pain we shared during training.
I doubt i will have the same feeling again..

2011-04-19T07:26:00.000-07:00

2011-04-14T08:52:00.000-07:00

S.T.R.E.S.S

Mye coming soon and after mye, O' chinese, "prelim" and then Ns

Hate sec4 life.

How i wish i could have just complete my Ns/Os and than enjoy my life<:

Stop day dreaming girl. Haha.

All is just your thinking, hallucination.

Seeing them going up stage receiving their medals, i kept thinking "if only i can"

Jealous?

2011-04-11T08:01:00.000-07:00

Class Bbq:D

Thought that it won't be successful but in the end,it turned up well though we faced some difficulties.

Some crazy kids (Daolong,nathasha and me) started to play frisbee in the rain though it was pouring heavily. We started to run around like we haven't been playing in the rain before and we were all very high.When others started to come,the rain still haven't stopped.We set fire inside the shelter and people who were trying to set the fire became blackie:) (think only me) Haas. No butter,no brush so we called mrs samuel to buy the stuffs and she brought curry.Hahaha. Started bbq-ing and reached home around eleven+

English Oral = CMI!

Gonna flunk my oral.

Teachers kept prompting me question but the only think i did was Ahhh...

When she asked whats my favourite food, i said kwap chap(thought of it very long) and i stopped. She asked why i like it, i say i don't know. LOL!:X

Haven't been touching bball for many days.

Think right now, i can't even shoot the balls and may lost to someone who doesn't even know how to play. LOL

~~I just wanna say hi to you..~~

2011-04-07T08:06:00.001-07:00

I admit i am jealous. So can you stop talking about it?-.-

2011-04-07T07:35:00.000-07:00

Not my day today-.-

After morning assembly,teachers talked to me about jlkt

My Ng asked me: what happen if he commit suicides or paralysed? will you be guilty?

I: (Never reply at the beginning) Yes.

I regretted saying that.

I taking back my words.

Wtf. caused my whole body to be itchy because of the broom.

Cheebai-.-

我跟他是不为利

Want play is it.Game starts now.See who will be the winner in the end-.-

Sian diao during physics lesson.

Physics = CMI!

Totally no idea about physics-.-

Can't even do question 1 on earlier paper.

I'm too stupid or the teachers fault?

Haas,need to start working now.

I'm already lagging behind.Need accelerates on it.

Game over. Seeing you with others I'm sad but if you are happy, i will be happy too. contradicting?._.

2011-04-06T05:33:00.000-07:00

这街上太拥挤
太多人有秘密
玻璃上有雾气在被隐藏起过去
你脸上的情绪
在还原那场雨

这巷弄太过弯曲走不回故事里

这日子不再绿
又斑驳了几句
剩下搬空回忆的我在大房子里
电影院的座椅
隔遥远的距离
感情没有对手戏你跟自己下棋
还来不及仔仔细细写下你的关于
描述我如何愛你
你却微笑的离我而去

这感觉已经不对
我努力在挽回
一些些应该体贴的感觉我没给
你嘟嘴许的愿望很卑微
在妥协是我忽略
你不过要人陪

哦这感觉已经不对
我最后才了解
一页页不忍翻阅的情节
你好累
你默背为我掉过几次泪
多憔悴
而我心碎你受罪你的美

我不配

2011-03-29T07:44:00.001-07:00

To continue, i need to overcome my obstacles first.

2011-03-29T05:34:00.000-07:00

Learning without thought is labour lost; thought without learning is perilous - Confucius

Don't know what i am doing recently.
Do without think, think without do:/
Consecutive 2days woke up late for school though i reach school on time.
I had never been like this before.
Having insomnia for the past few days.
If this carry on, i will go insane.

Realised that i am still on the starting line while others had started running.
I need to catch up..

Had been over sensitive recently.
I will do anything to exchange of it.

2011-03-22T08:07:00.000-07:00

My phone is spoiled!!!!!!!
& i had lost some contacts. Wtf-.-

Dread of staying home now-.-
blood starts to boil whenever i see him
people treat him nice, he scolded the person and accused them for sth.
wtf is this?!
keep praising how good his siblings were, yet i can't see them helping us when we are in trouble.
Instead, it was her sister who help us all along this time and you are now accusing her..
If my phone wasn't spoiled, i would not know you had been thinking this all this while.
You had suffered, yet you can't tell anyone.
Im sorry if i had caused you any trouble.
After seeing the message, i don't know who i can tell.
Heart bleeds when i know what you feels now.
ihy for causing us all the trouble.GND-.-

2011-03-21T04:59:00.000-07:00

"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people - Tom Masson

Do something you like, and not to do because others told you to do so.
If you do it because of certain reasons, whats the point of doing?
You won't be happy and you are just wasting your time doing it..

You do something because you like it, and because you like it, you care for it.
If you do it because of fame or anything, why don't you put your time doing stuffs that will benefit you instead?

2011-03-16T09:13:00.001-07:00

Somehow or the other, i lost the passion.
I can't find back the feeling.

I guess it had impacted me quite badly..

Trip to Taiwan

2011-03-15T09:09:00.000-07:00

Back from taiwan:)
1 word to describe = awesome:D
Didn't buy many stuffs as there wasn't much time for us to shop.

印象最深刻:
1. Went to the school - 小黑:D
2. 天灯
3. Lunch and Dinner-ing with the others:)

I still can't get over with it. During the trip in taiwan, i am still thinking about the matches and the training we had. Though i am happy that i had went to taiwan, at the same time i felt unhappy too. Contradicting right? Our dreams, our goals had shattered. We could have go to final but because of the match we lost to naval base.. It is useless to say anything now. It is too late to regret. As for the 天灯, i wished that both B and C girls will make it for the top four for this year and next year. Also, i wished that i could be with you forever.. but i doubt so now..

Bball

2011-03-07T03:23:00.000-08:00

我很不甘心.

I miss the time when we had training together.
:(

BAS should be a re-match or what when there is a triangle and not count by point..

Bball

2011-03-03T05:36:00.000-08:00

I had been suffering insomnia for these two days. Every time when i was about to fall asleep, my mind will pop up all the match we had been playing.. It turned worst when i saw messages in fb, when friends asked me how's my match recently or when i saw the opponent.. GAME OVER. WE ARE OUT. It keep flashing out in my mind. Keep controlling my emotion for past few days and i had enough of it. I will keep it inside my heart and never ever mention again. I know is hard but girls, lets try to put this behind us kayy?

Life had been hard for me recently. Beside bball, 50% of my heart was occupied by you. I can't forget you. Somehow the feeling came back again.I hate you, yet miss you. What can i do now to stop thinking about you? Crapp.

Why am i so @%!&!@% to see you with another girl?

Bball

2011-03-01T09:36:00.001-08:00

I can't sleep>:(
When i am about to sleep, it keep appearing my mind.
No matter how i tried to stop thinking, it still keep haunting me):
I was totally @&$@^!%( and heart ache when potato told me that cvss is in top four.
:(

The feeling is really very bad):

Bball

2011-02-28T04:32:00.000-08:00

I can't forget it):
It had invaded my life without me knowing it..

Can't focus on school today.
Guess i didn't pay much attention to it.
I kept thinking of the matches, training and stuffs.
My life is empty without all these.

Since last year, we had been trng for the zonal.
We want to get into top four, we want to get into final and national.
Is our dream too big for us?
How contradict it is.
We built it, We smash it.

Going to taiwn on next tuesday.
I don't know if i should feel happy about it..
Tests keep coming up recently.
I don't know a single thing esp physic!
Wts.
I need some tuition!

I now than realise my life is empty with it..

Bball

2011-02-26T05:21:00.000-08:00

I can't sleep well yesterday..
I keep dreaming if we could use time machine to go back to the past -.-
When i woke up, i quickly check the date of my phone.
How gullible am i.. how i wish we could go back to 25 feb when it determine our fate..

Now, i don't know the reason of coming to school now.
Maybe if i wake up late, i might not come to school...
Maybe if i quarrel with teacher, i might just fight back and don't need to care if they threaten me anything..
Maybe if i don't do homework, teacher punish me and i don't need to care anything...

I now than realise how important bball is to me..
Without it, i am aimless
Also, bball really affect my whole life.
:(

Sorry if i did not perform well during the matches..
I know it is too late to say anything.
Our dream and goals shattered so sudden.
I am very sorry to you all especially potato..
you spent most of our time coaching us
we tried to change us from bad to good,
we rebel but you never give up on us.
instead, you put in us more effort but the result we give you is so ....
i'm very sorry..

someone tell me it was just a dream please):

Bball

2011-02-25T04:31:00.000-08:00

We have come to a stop.
It end so .. fast and sudden ..
I am still thinking IF we are zheng men, we will fight against Ahmad in semi, christ church in final and then national..but now ... all is in my dream.
很不干心 but also must affect the fate..

i am aimless now.
why i am at school everything is due to trng and stuff.. but now season had end, school is seem meaningless to me now..

有仇必报，18年后又是一条好汉。

Bball

2011-02-23T06:21:00.000-08:00

School days are sian!
Nothing to do when the rest are at camp.
Slack,eat,sleep:/
*Not sure whether it is a good thing or not:P

I really need to buck up):
my percentage was like 10%?!
Layup seem to be more and more difficult for me
As for my shooting, out of 10 balls maybe 6 will in whenever i shoot
It will get worst when it is during match time.
):

My life is corrupt.
It keep on circulating my mind, it make me unfocused
I keep on thinking about friday match.
i know i shouldn't feel this way but when i am sitting on the bench, i felt very ... demoralise? i couldn't control my feeling. is like, wtf? i think friday match i won't be playing much. however, we will still win the match cause i believe in my teammates(:

Bball

2011-02-21T05:00:00.000-08:00

Nice game girls!
Won deyi 10 points.
During physic lesson, huiyi and me are still talking " How nervous we are " & " How difficult our chance is to get into final " but after the match, i think our nervousness is extra! Hahaha.
Next match is on friday, against woodgrove.
If we win them, we are zheng men and it make us even more easier to get to our goal.
So, Yidao Jiayou!:D

I think or rather my performances is very bad today.
I don't know why, my hand shiver. I don't dare to qie and my dribbling sucks.
I am deteriorating):

~~家不像家-.-~~
Shouldn't a house be warm and it make you feel like going home after school or what?
Why my house is so ***** __
I rather stay outside than going home now
It don't seem to be a home for me now.
):

Bball

2011-02-20T06:51:00.000-08:00

Be Brave.Be Brave.Be Brave.Be Brave.Be Brave.Be Brave.Be Brave.Be Brave.Be Brave.Be Brave.
Be Brave.Be Brave.Be Brave.Be Brave.Be Brave.Be Brave.Be Brave.Be Brave.Be Brave.Be Brave.
Be Brave.Be Brave.Be Brave.Be Brave.Be Brave.Be Brave.Brave.Brave.Brave.Be Brave.Be Brave.
Be Brave.Be Brave.Be Brave

I GOT TO BE BRAVE WITH NO FEAR.

16 more hours before our match.
Crucial match for both deyi and us.
However, we are not giving them easy way to get to final cause we are the one who will be in top four. WE WILL BE THE ONE
I am scared, very very scared.
My heart is pumping very fast and i can't stop thinking about it.
I will only be scared for this 16 hours and after that, i will be a brave player. A player who performs well and not scared of the match. I sincerely hope that i can...

Dear teammates,
Let us work hard and win the match.
Before the last second reach, we gonna put in our best.
Regardless whether we are in the court or not, we will put our 101% attendance on it.
Even we are lacking behind, we will chase back and make the game ours.
We are yidao! ''我们一刀杀死他们''!
JIAYOU!

I believe we can do it.

Bball

2011-02-19T05:00:00.000-08:00

I thought i would be more serious after the match against naval base but i still can't. I still can't perform well. Am i performing well? I keep thinking.. There's so much things for me to improve but match against deyi is the day after tml. I need to buck up):

I know i shouldn't be feeling this way but i am very scared. Really very scared. I very scared that i can't perform well and dragged the team down. I very scared that we can't qualify to national. I very scared that after monday, the whole season will end and there goes my everything. Mentally weak or what? I should believe myself and believe my teammates. I know i should not think like that cause they maybe affected by my thinking or whatever but i just can't control): From now till monday, it will be hell to me. i can't stop thinking and all this crap. i need to stop now. however, no doubt that i will perform my best when i am on the court. I won't disappoint my teammates.

I know winning is nothing. More importantly, it is the process but i can't make myself think like that):

Bball

2011-02-18T07:57:00.000-08:00

24 - 26

I'm sorry that i never score the freethrows and defended properly.
If i had scored the freethrows, we might not be losing.
I'm sorry that i had not been defending properly during the first few quarters.
If i had woke up earlier, tradgey might not be happening.

I believed that some had lost confidence in further match but don't give up. As long as we win deyi and woodgrove, we still can be in top four! Put in our best, take every rebound, defend tight and score if we have freethrows. Prove to others who think that we cannot make it. Go girls! I know the road is getting hard but we will succeed!

I really really hate the feeling of being lose. i don't want to lose. Simply, 我输不起. I know wining medal is nothing. More importantly, it is how we play and how we perform. No matter what, it will only be part of our memory in future. First time, i ***** like this. I don't want to see my teammates to cry again. Instead, i want us to be laughing and giggling after the match. Go girls!

i really don't want this to happen again.
Jiayou!